The Wind In The Toilet

The Wind In The Toilet

I know I know, but it was. It’s not like I was just hanging out bored one day and decided, “hey! think I’ll write something called ‘The Wind In The Toilet’, because it’ll make half the readers snigger and half go ‘yeah, right’ and half go away completely for assorted personal reasons of taste and propriety.”, and – yes – I do know that’s three halves but you have to remember that one of those halves has already left us and thank you for being in one of the other two halves now and as we all know, that’s a whole.

But what happened was this, that I was sitting in the tub working (which I do a lot and know in telling you that I’m helping my credibility not one bit but anyway. I was sitting in the tub working.) and had gotten1 most of quite a lot done in two hours and hit a lull and the toilet did the flush-itself thing and then when it quit I could hear that the wind had come up strong outside where it had been quiet before and, the more I listened to the wind outside and the toilet making sometime-after-flushing-running-noises, the more I realized the were exactly. the. same.  The wind would gust way up and the toilet noise would match it exactly and then the wind would die down a little or move around some and the toilet would do exactly the same and, all in all, this went on for a good twelve minutes2 until the toilet and the wind both stopped making noise altogether all at once. So I gathered I was done and got out of the tub.  It was getting coldish anyway.

So, sure enough, I got out and toweled off and got dressed and all that, and I’ve had some peanuts and written this in pencil (which may or not explain a lot) and am going to get back to work now and don’t have any story to tell you yet because it’s not like anything Monumental happened next which would explain the whole phenomena to both our satisfactions, but there we are and that’s what happened. I’ll tell you the rest when I know it, and meanwhile,

The End.


1 which isn’t a word and I know that but it should be because we use it all the time so I just made it one.
2 which I know because I took the alarm clock in to sit on the counter which I freely admit was silly and is something I should lose credibility for because I didn’t have to be anywhere for five hours and twenty minutes and the alarm won’t wake you up if you’ve already drowned in the tub.

LLH; 2000


This story was discovered in a teeny tiny notebook discovered in a forgotten box.  While not one. single. entry was dated, Nadine was a puppy and I was writing in a tub, so, yeah, 2000.
The art is "Waiting For Godot"; early work in The Studio At The Springdale School. It doesn't have any connection to the story, other than it seems to fit.